As you go through life, you’ll quickly see that, more often than not, misery loves company. Some people are less interested in finding solutions to their problems and more focused on keeping a steady audience for their drama. It’s almost like they’ve found comfort in their own chaos and would rather have you pull up a chair than help them out of the mess.
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| 📸: Moving forward looking back |
Take last night, for instance. A friend of mine took to social media, announcing that he was feeling anxious and needed someone to talk to. Being the good friend that I am, I slid into his DMs with a quick “Hello, you good?”—ready to lend a hand or at least an ear.
Now, here’s where things got interesting. From my own bouts with anxiety, I’ve learned that sometimes, the best remedy is deceptively simple: drink a glass of water. It’s a trick that’s worked for me countless times—hydration has this amazing way of calming the nerves and dialing down those pesky panic attacks.
So, naturally, I asked him, “When was the last time you drank water?” His answer? A blank stare through the screen. He couldn’t even remember. Not surprising, considering how most of us forget to do the basic things when we’re feeling off. So, I suggested the obvious—get up and drink some water. Easy, right?
Wrong. Instead of jumping at this no-brainer solution, he responded, “I’d be glad if you just let me chill.” Chill? Here I am, practically offering him a life raft, and he’s more interested in drifting along, nursing his anxiety like it’s a fine wine.
At that moment, it hit me—he didn’t actually want to feel better; he wanted an audience. He wasn’t in the market for solutions; he was looking for sympathy, someone to sit beside him and marvel at the depths of his anxiety.
But I wasn’t about to give up just yet. So, I told him to try something else: make a list of all the things that were triggering his anxiety. You know, get it out of his head and onto paper where it’s easier to tackle. But nope, even that was too much. He preferred to “chill,” which, in this context, meant basking in his anxiety rather than confronting it.
And that’s when I realized my mistake. My friend wasn’t looking to solve anything—he just wanted to stew in his feelings, with me as his captive audience.
This, my friends, is where you need to be careful. Your energy is precious. It’s a limited resource, and you shouldn’t waste it on people who aren’t genuinely interested in moving forward. Sure, support your friends—absolutely. But recognize when someone isn’t ready to change, when they’re more in love with the drama than with the idea of actually doing something about it.
Life’s too short to keep pouring from your cup for those who aren’t ready to help themselves. Save your efforts for those who are willing to drink the water, make the list, and do the work. The rest? Let them chill on their own—because your energy deserves better.